In the world of motorcycling I am a rookie. I never got the chance to ride dirtbikes as a kid, I’ve never watched a motorcycle race and the first time I ever rode a bike was when I was getting my learners permit.
But is it really too late for me to become one of those awesome biker guys I see on TV, like Fonzie? You can only start riding on the road legally at eighteen, I’m twenty-three now – how hardcore can one get in five years?
I was lucky enough to speak with Josh ‘Bad Boy’ Brookes recently, controversial British Superbikes star (you can watch a video about his first big break here), and I convinced him to give me a crash course in bluffing my way through conversation with other motorcyclists.
“The first thing I’d do would be ask you about your bike. You’ve got to know a bit about it. The coolest thing to ride is a sportsbike like a Honda CBR1000RR, a Yamaha R1, Suzuki GSXR1000 or a Kawasaki ZX10.”
Are there any bikes that aren’t cool? Would you think less of me if I was riding a cruiser?
“I hate people that ride BMW’s, that’s really fruity. It’s always the weird old guys wearing black pedophile leather. You need racing leather with patches to look cool.”
“Cruisers are for older guys, that just want to have fun and don’t care about things like acceleration and stopping. You could probably get away with a cruiser if it was a Harley and you were playing the rebel card, or maybe with the new Honda Fury – that’s pretty outlawish. But don’t go near a Triumph, they’re for older guys and you’ll look like a wanker.”
“Whatever floats your boat really, but at the end of the day if you want to be cool you’ll be riding a sportsbike and wearing racing leathers.”
Assuming I lie through my teeth and say I’m riding a 1000cc sportsbike, where do we go from here?
“Next I’d ask you where you ride, just to suss you out. If you’re in Sydney you’d be riding on Putty road, or the Bells line of road. They’re the best spots. If you’re in Wollongong, like me, you’d be riding around Mount Kemblar. It’s great, a really twisty road through rainforest. I don’t really know Melbourne that well.”
Anything else that would give credibility as a motorcyclist?
“Yeah, you need to hate cops. Just seeing a police car should cripple you with paranoia. If you’re riding a 1000cc motorcycle you’ll find yourself speeding, it’s something you just can’t help.”
“It just feels really natural to get enjoyment from your bike, you want to feel the acceleration and enjoyment. If you sneeze on on a powerful bike you’ll find yourself doing 200kph, you’ve got to be careful.”
“I’m not saying to go out and be a dickhead, and there’s too many idiots splitting traffic at high speeds, but every motorbike guy will have a stretch of country road where he’ll open it up a bit.”
“The funny thing is, a lot of other motorcycle racers don’t ride on the street. A lot of them start out on the track at a young age, and never really develop that drive for an outlet on the road. They don’t miss going fast on the road, they’ve already got it out of their system. I ride on the road though, I love it.”
What about girls? Is it ok to use motorcycling as a tool to impress girls?
“Definately. You do a lot of things in life to impress people, girls being the most important group. Being a motorcyclist is pretty cool way to meet girls.”
“It’s too awkward to take girls to movies or restaurants. It’s always late and they feel pressured to hang out afterward or go home with you. There’s always that ‘what happens afterwards?’ thing going on.”
What’s easier is asking them to come out for a ride with you on a Saturday. It’s the middle of the day, you don’t have to talk, they’re holding on to you, it sounds a bit dangerous.”
That’s all been really helpful, but I don’t have the money to buy a sportsbike. Do you have any tips for me to look cool when I’m riding my postie bike?”
“No.”
Thanks Josh.
